Just to let you know

Hi Blog, it's been a while since I last talked to you huh.. How are you? Oh yea, I forgot you don't know how to answer. Hmm.. I don't know where to start.. I have been very down and emo recently. At first I thought it was due to PMS that I encountered two weeks ago. but it seems like the same feeling is coming over and over again. There is no one for me to whine on, there is no one for me to lean on.. All I know is to cry.. yes cry in silent mode.I forgot how I should express myself, or I should say even if I say it out, no one can help.

I felt that I am being isolated now, perhaps it's because Im working alone this semester without a partner, and I tend to finish late. So PS, WH, will often leave for early lunch together with EC. This was not what we used to do last time. Whenever we all hang out together, I will always be the one who doesn't understand their topic, perhaps we have different interest, or I dont have any sense of humor, or Im not a pretty girl that everyone wants to talk to, so I just could not blend into theirs anymore. Little by little, day by day, I feel distant from everyone, I am no longer the important one anymore, perhaps I am just hungering for attention.

I am losing my motivation, losing my energy, losing my focus to study and learn new things. Many works and assignments are piling up, but I just don't feel like doing anything everyday. I have already lost pace with the world. Wake up Jamie!!

Today my patient's husband is angry with me because I referred my patient (Vivian Lee) to Eu Gene for his competency test. Then he said:" So now it's like doing experiment on her la, if I know it will take so long I would not have allowed her to come. You go to the same barber. You can't let different barber to cut your hair right. He then walked off angrily and also cancelled his own appointment with me." Though I looked fine when I was telling this story to Warren, Eu Gene, Edmund, Vincent, and Kai Shang who were there, but deep inside my heart I felt sad. My mind is struggling.. Yes, I don't mind losing a patient that is impatient and not understanding at all, I can happily have more time to practice other thing on other patient. In the same time I felt bad because they might be badmouthing about me and IMU outside. Haihz.. It's always hard to help people. Selfish is sometimes necessary to avoid trouble.

Okie, let's not talk about anything negative now. Hmm.. I feel happy when I did my first post and core on Moien, looking satisfactory from the radiograph. =) Have done a few of crowns, extraction, and RCT this semester. Good start=) Keep it up Jamie! Read more before you do something. Make sure you know the rationale behind everything you provide to your patients.

Oh ya, I will be celebrating my 22nd Bday in Genting. Mummy booked the room for 3 days and 2 nights, because she got free voucher from dono where. But because of this, I could not go to PD with my uni friends that have planned for me. Happy to know that they are quite thoughtful of me. :) Very excited to find out that Qeng actually has a bf two months ago! OMG! Could not stop laughing and smiling on my own that day. At the same time felt stupid as I did not realize "sparkle" between her and Keat Boon long before this while Pui Seen had already got it right. Haha.

Another good news, erm, or call it "extra work" is that I was chosen to orally present my research at Uitm in June. Warren and I will be going for oral presentation while Ee Mee and Jun Ai will be doing poster presentation. Hmm, it certainly will be a good experience for me as I would not have any other chance to present in front of so many people in the future but in the mean time I scared that my stage fright will somehow embarrass me. Oh.. Please pray that everything will be fine.=)